When Leadership Emerges (Even If No One Asked for It)
I noticed something fascinating on a recent vacation with my family—something that had nothing to do with travel itineraries or sightseeing, and everything to do with human behavior.
This story is about Teams and how within those teams there are leaders and followers.
Let me explain: on our trip, at some point, without any real formal conversation or raising of hands in agreement, a leader emerged.
No one elected them. No one handed over a title. But organically, subtly, almost inevitably—someone started guiding decisions. Where to eat. When to leave.
And the rest of the crew? Well, we followed.
Sound familiar? Has this happened to you?
Whether we acknowledge it or not, this dynamic shows up everywhere, especially in teams. A leader of the pack always surfaces. Sometimes it’s the person with the official title or more senior title. Sometimes it’s the person who naturally steps forward. And sometimes, it’s simply the person others quietly defer to. And that’s especially hard when your team is an intact group of leaders.
But here’s where it gets interesting.
As team members, we often give over to someone that power and then feel frustrated when they actually use it. (how dare they right?)
What does “give over the power” look like?
We defer. We step back. We wait for direction.
And then, when that person starts leading by building the plan, making decisions, asking us to follow… what do we do?
We resist. We question. We disengage.
On the flip side, the person who steps into that leadership space, whether by title or by circumstance, can find themselves confused and impatient. They didn’t force the role. They just responded to a gap. And now they’re met with resistance they don’t quite understand or have any patience for.
So what’s going on?
At its core, it’s a mismatch of expectations.
We want leadership but we also want autonomy.
We want direction but we don’t want to feel controlled.
We want someone to step up but not at the cost of our own voice.
The reality is that strong teams require both effective leadership and intentional followership. And both sides have a role to play in making that dynamic work.
Let's start with the concept of intentional followership, if you’re part of the team, and not the one leading, you play an important role in how things unfold.
Because here’s the truth: you can’t expect someone to lead and then be frustrated when they do.
Here are three things the follower can do to navigate this better. (Watch for what the leader can do to navigate this better in our next newsletter)
1. Acknowledge and appreciate the leadership
Leadership takes effort. It takes energy. It often involves taking on responsibility others are avoiding.
Recognize that. Call it out.
A simple acknowledgment “Thanks for pulling this together” can go a long way in reinforcing positive dynamics and encouraging thoughtful leadership.
2. Stay in the plan and actively participate
Deferring doesn’t mean disengaging, and it certainly doesn't mean stepping back.
Once a direction is set, lean in. Contribute. Support. Bring your energy and effort to the plan instead of sitting on the sidelines critiquing it.
If you had the opportunity to contribute earlier and chose not to, it’s important to own that and find a way to get back in the game.
3. Stay flexible
Just like leaders, team members need to adapt too.
Plans will evolve. Decisions won’t always align perfectly with your preferences. That’s part of collaboration.
Your EQ skill of flexibility can be an important skill in what helps turn a group of individuals into a functioning team.
What I was reminded of on that family vacation, and what shows up so often in teams is this isn’t a one-sided equation. Both parties have a role to play in making that work.
So next time a leader of the pack emerges on a trip, in a meeting, or in your team take a moment to reflect on your role in that dynamic.
Ask yourself what are you contributing to the team’s success?