Leadership empathy starts before you say anything

When leaders talk about empathy, the conversation often jumps straight to words. What should I say? How do I need to say it? But those are not the right questions to get you started.

What am I noticing?

That should be your first question.

Our empathy starts with our ability and willingness to recognize that something may be happening for someone else.

If you miss this first step, even the most polished words could not land well

Team members don’t always walk into their leader’s office and clearly explain what is wrong. Often challenges show up indirectly. A change in tone. Less participation in meetings. Short answers. Irritability. Silence from someone who is usually vocal.

Empathy starts when you notice what shows up differently.

And what you notice will inform what to say.

“I noticed you seem quieter in meetings lately. I might be wrong, but I wanted to check in to see if you were doing okay.”

When people feel seen, that is when your empathy comes through.