You won’t realize how little empathy you have as a leader until you finally develop some.

It’s a classic case of the Dunning-Kruger effect (coined by psychologists David Dunning and Justin Kruger): the less competent we are in a skill, the less aware we are of our shortcomings. And empathy is no exception.

Many leaders assume they have enough empathy. This is a common trap—one that many have fallen into. In the past, some have been guilty of bulldozing someone else's concerns in the name of efficiency. Dismissing a different perspective is often easier (and faster) than trying to understand it.

There are also times when leaders offer advice to a team member when what’s truly needed is validation. It’s often more comfortable for a leader to provide a quick solution than to sit with someone else’s uncomfortable emotions.

FYI, your advice is never that great anyways...

Most don’t have a clear understanding of what true empathy entails. We might think that showing empathy is just about agreeing with others or being nice, but in reality, it as nothing to do with this and there’s much more to it.

At it’s core, Empathy is the ability to see the world from another person’s perspective – to be in tune with what others might feel and think about a situation – regardless of how different this can be from your own perspective.

The first step toward becoming a more empathetic leader is recognizing that there may be gaps in your ability to understand others fully. Here are a few ways to assess your own empathy:

Active Listening: Are you truly listening, or are you just waiting for your turn to speak? Empathy requires us to focus on the speaker and absorb their message without distraction.

Emotional Awareness: Can you identify not only your own emotions but also the emotions of others around you?

Non-Judgmental Responses: Are you reacting to others with judgment, or are you offering a supportive, open-minded response?

Perspective-Taking: Are you able to see situations from others' viewpoints, especially when they differ from your own?

Now ready to take the next steps? Here are 4 practical ways of practicing your empathy:

1. Engage in Active Listening

Practice listening with the intention of understanding, not responding. Pay attention to both verbal and non-verbal cues.

Example:

• Instead of: “Okay, I see what you're saying, but here’s what I think…”

• Try: “It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated because the team wasn’t aligned on priorities. Did I get that right?”

By paraphrasing and checking for understanding, you show the other person that you’re truly engaged in what they’re saying.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Get to know people by asking questions that encourage deeper conversation.

• Instead of: “Are you okay?” (This can lead to a short ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer.)

• Try: “How has this situation been affecting you?” or “What’s been on your mind lately?”

These types of questions invite a more meaningful response and encourage the other person to share their perspective.

3. Reflect and Validate Feelings

Show that you’ve understood by reflecting back what you’ve heard. Validation builds trust and makes others feel understood.

• Instead of: “I get it. That’s tough.”

• Try: “I can hear how frustrating this must be for you. It makes sense that you’d feel this way given everything that’s happened.”

This approach reassures the other person that their feelings are valid and that you genuinely understand their perspective.

4. Notice Non-Verbal Cues

Empathy isn’t just about what’s said—it’s also about what’s left unsaid. Pay attention to facial expressions, tone, body language, and even silences to better understand how someone is feeling.

• Instead of ignoring a change in tone or demeanor:

• Try: “I noticed you got quiet after that last comment—did something about it not sit right with you?”

• Instead of assuming someone is fine because they said they are:

• Try: “You’re saying you’re okay, but I sense that something might be weighing on you. Do you want to talk about it?”

Being able to pick up on these subtle cues helps you respond with greater empathy, making others feel seen and understood.